i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
