I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
