I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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