so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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