So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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