I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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