So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
