just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You don't make any sense
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