I cannot find my penis.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
