dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
