Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COCAINE IS GR8
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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