my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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