Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
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I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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