On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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