you guys were way drunker than both of me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm having to shit out rocks
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
