he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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