So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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