Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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