proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
