I am puke
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
