i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
