are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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