I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home