I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
