I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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