She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.