Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
