yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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