I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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