the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
