I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just had sex bonerless
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize