Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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