we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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