Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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