Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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