i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
