There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
