I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sarcasm needs its own font
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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