i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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