There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
