You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
