allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize