90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
