i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
