Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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