My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
