There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
