you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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