Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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