the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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