i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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