You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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