she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
