i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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