So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa