Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am