yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
