How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
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A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.