I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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