It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you