turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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