Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  we're not divorced.

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  (214): your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything. (1-214): we're not divorced. http://tfl.nu/1yaa
  Replies (12) Good night (989) Bad night (3268)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
  Replies (11) Good night (1032) Bad night (4235)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.

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  (815): I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on. http://tfl.nu/mukq
  Replies (65) Good night (2904) Bad night (711)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.

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  (785): Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend. http://tfl.nu/tpw6
  Replies (26) Good night (798) Bad night (5622)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.

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  (404): Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio. http://tfl.nu/i1ck
  Replies (8) Good night (2746) Bad night (1164)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.

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  (402): She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time. http://tfl.nu/nker
  Replies (9) Good night (5096) Bad night (1089)
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  (818): View more from California

  All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on

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  (818): All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on http://tfl.nu/912s
  Replies (10) Good night (3459) Bad night (1462)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month

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  (601): We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month http://tfl.nu/d8l1
  Replies (25) Good night (5513) Bad night (1211)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym

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  (508): It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym http://tfl.nu/opd7
  Replies (27) Good night (3732) Bad night (1299)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  She said she wanted to have closure sex.

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  (848): She said she wanted to have closure sex. http://tfl.nu/0dyj
  Replies (9) Good night (3870) Bad night (1175)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."

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  (859): He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for." http://tfl.nu/4ze1
  Replies (8) Good night (2451) Bad night (877)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens

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  (248): We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens http://tfl.nu/5a7g
  Replies (18) Good night (2186) Bad night (813)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover

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  (319): I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover http://tfl.nu/oafl
  Replies (4) Good night (1404) Bad night (501)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location

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  (972): The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location http://tfl.nu/vjmb
  Replies (4) Good night (746) Bad night (337)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse

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  (403): I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse http://tfl.nu/tdll
  Replies (2) Good night (301) Bad night (929)

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