you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that