Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

well I can't set my house on fire every night

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(248): well I can't set my house on fire every night http://tfl.nu/iwc7

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(325): View more from Texas

When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous

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(325): When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous http://tfl.nu/im9q

Replies (26) Good night (754) Bad night (4352)
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(480): View more from Arizona

My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.

(1-480): View more from Arizona

Do I even want to know?

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(480): My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend. (1-480): Do I even want to know? http://tfl.nu/wopv

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(904): View more from Florida

it glows. i had to have it.

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(904): it glows. i had to have it. http://tfl.nu/ygwq

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(314): View more from Missouri

There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

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(314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj

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(613): View more from Ontario

There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.

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(613): There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order. http://tfl.nu/vb6g

Replies (23) Good night (4930) Bad night (794)
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(706): View more from Georgia

So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.

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(706): So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/v79f

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine

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(412): a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine http://tfl.nu/k37h

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(607): View more from New York

This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.

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(607): This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart. http://tfl.nu/peyr

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(916): View more from California

The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.

(1-916): View more from California

Try oodles of noodles this time.

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(916): The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang. (1-916): Try oodles of noodles this time. http://tfl.nu/ou73

Replies (8) Good night (2803) Bad night (484)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?

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(+44): I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone? http://tfl.nu/7opu

Replies (4) Good night (2252) Bad night (805)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit

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(706): I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit http://tfl.nu/wzhs

Replies (4) Good night (1696) Bad night (337)
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(316): View more from Kansas

She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.

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(316): She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool. http://tfl.nu/dtry

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES

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(978): PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/lra7

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(660): View more from Missouri

I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..

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(660): I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won.. http://tfl.nu/18ev

Replies (4) Good night (789) Bad night (207)

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