There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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