my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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