she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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