what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
