then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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