The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
