I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
