I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize