Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
