The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
