She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
