I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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