i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
