Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
