I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
