Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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