Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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