Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
