Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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