Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
