my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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