and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
