How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
