i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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