Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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