That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
