She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
