This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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