i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
