I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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