I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
