Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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