She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
