I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
